


golden

by tkreyesevandiaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Boys In Love, Excessive Poetic Word Choice, Fluff without Plot, Found Family, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Introspection, M/M, Mentions of the Firekids, POV Eddie Diaz, Soft Eddie Diaz, minimal dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25927801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz
Summary: Buck glows.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 28
Kudos: 146





	golden

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oneawkwardcookie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneawkwardcookie/gifts).



> Honestly this is just a love letter from Eddie to the lights of his life xD
> 
> This was requested by Cookie, I hope you like it meri jaan! :D <3 Iss Qadar Pyar Hai (Ankit Tiwari, not the old one) is one song for this.
> 
> I don't know why this tense came forth again, but here we are!
> 
> **24\. Dust floating in golden sunlight**

Buck glows.

Eddie knows this to be true. It’s a fact, ingrained in everything that has to do with the other man, branded in his bio-data for the world to know. He sees his best friend light up like the sun, gleam with pride at a job well-done, dim with something that doesn’t go their way.

Wherever he goes, he brings a different vibrancy of light to Eddie’s life.

Briefly, Eddie wonders if it’s weird to think of his best friend as the sun, with him slowly revolving around Buck in reiterations of the years of their friendship. It catches him off guard more often than not, how easily he’s gotten this — this comfort of slipping into place like perfect puzzle pieces, sliding right into Buck’s side as if he belongs there.

After everything he’d denied himself, he supposes he _does_ belong there. It’s the place he’s been looking for his whole life — to be seen by someone who doesn’t believe he’s a failure. To fall into routine with someone who sees him for all the ways he tries, not all the ways he fails. 

Sitting here in the sun, watching Buck swing Christopher up on his back, Eddie can think of nothing else.

Christopher’s hair, in the soft sunlight, glints red, orange, brown, each shade shifting through his curls in harrowing shades that remind Eddie of a painting. He thinks that if he’d ever pick up the paintbrush again, Christopher would be the first thing he’d paint. 

His son, emboldened in strokes of acrylics, each detail painstakingly pressed into place to make the sole purpose of Eddie’s life, the reason he endeavours to do anything — his motivation and inspiration, all rolled in an incredible nine-year-old package.

Buck would be a close second. 

The image of his best friend and his son together is one Eddie never tires of. It’s one he’s seen a million times, in a million different ways — building Lego sculptures, scribbling within the lines with all the concentration of surgeons, throwing popcorn at each other during movies, climbing up on the counter while Buck cooks something. The less happier ones of the three of them huddled in Eddie’s bed, each of them haunted by another brand of nightmare.

Yet, he looks forward to adding new images to the pile of existing ones. Right now, he’s privy to a view his hands are itching to recreate but he can’t bring himself to move.

Buck and Christopher are busy making the silliest faces at Nia together where she’s nestled in May’s arms while the toddler grasps Harry and Denny’s fingers in each hand, giggling wildly. 

Eddie thinks his heart stops for a few minutes.

He can hear Hen and Karen fawning at the sight somewhere off to the side, the faint click of Chim’s camera shutter as he jokes to Maddie about a preview of Uncle Buck. Bobby and Athena are probably taking this in too, but Eddie feels frozen in place.

It reminds him of Christopher’s younger years, moments where he just wouldn’t settle down. Eddie had exhausted every single option available — changing diapers, feeding him, burping him, smoothing a hand down his back, rocking him back and forth — all to no avail. Then, he’d tried funny faces, out of sheer desperation to get him to stop crying, and miraculously, he _had._

It was a habit that lasted until Chris was seven, right before they’d moved to LA — making funny faces at one another to make the other laugh.

Watching the dust float in the rays of sun beaming down on them, three and a half years after choosing this life, Eddie realizes that _this_ was what he’d been struggling for when he left El Paso.

A life away from the judging and prying eyes of everyone, a life where Eddie could learn to be a parent on his own terms, a place where he didn’t have to share his son with his own parents, where they couldn't nitpick every aspect of his life. 

He knows that both of them are far happier here than they had been in Texas - partially for being with one another, and partially for living their own lives. For all the ways he’d envisioned himself being a less-than-worthy father to such an amazing child, he’s learning to acknowledge that Chris isn’t the happiest kid in the world for nothing.

Of all the roles he’s played in his life, being Christopher’s father is the one Eddie holds the most pride for.

Maybe it has something to do with slowly breaking the guilt Eddie had caged himself in for not being there the first six years of his son's life, for not being there for seven years of his marriage. Maybe it has something to do with letting go of his father’s taunts of Chris barely knowing him and his mother’s conviction that he was going to drag his son down with him.

He knows now how wrong they were to say it. It took him four years to realize that his parents were _wrong._ Everything Eddie’s ever tried to do has always been with his family in mind, even to the point to working himself to the bone — it wasn’t his fault if that wasn’t enough for his parents or Shannon.

But as much as therapy has helped those thoughts, Eddie also knows that Buck played a significant role in helping him realize that he isn’t a bad father.

Of all the other roles he’s played in his life, being Buck’s partner is a privilege Eddie didn't think would be granted to him in any lifetime, let alone this one.

As he watches his best friend’s hair spark fire against the setting sun, turning the normally-dark shade into the color of burnt copper and casting golden shadows over his skin, he thinks about them.

Not a single part of him would’ve imagined his and Buck’s relationship changing like it did. Multiple facets of the same two people, moving from place to place together, trying to navigate their lives with some semblance of responsibility and partnership. 

Eddie doesn’t know when exactly he and Buck went from coworkers, to friends, to best friends, to something undefinable even for them. It could have been when Buck introduced him to Carla. It could have been during the ladder truck bombing. It could’ve been during the tsunami. It could’ve been in Buck’s kitchen one night, his best friend silently passing him the knowledge that he understood Eddie’s trepidation when it came to talking out his feelings, giving him the option to be open in the four walls of his loft instead. 

He could count every second they spent together, and still not know — that's the nature of their relationship, and Eddie's unbelievably proud of it.

The more he runs through the past few years in his head, the more he realizes that he’s been wasting time. There isn't anything to be scared about — not when it comes to Buck. And somehow, watching his son’s legs wrapped around the other man’s torso, Eddie realizes that Buck’s been waiting for him to catch up, if the past few months were any indication.

“You gonna do something about those heart-eyes, Eddie?” Hen says teasingly, her and Chim plopping down on the blanket on either side of him. If Eddie wasn’t so content sitting here, feeling hazy with the drooping sun, he’d be inclined to believe that this was another Wilson-Han intervention.

But there really isn’t much to say, not with all the things that have gone unspoken between him and Buck. They’ve been in sync from day one — it’s feasible to believe that they’d take this step together, too.

Eddie laughs, watching as the sound catches Buck’s attention, Christopher still perched like a prince on his back, both of them framed by the sun in a formidable silhouette of Eddie's heart.

As his best friend grins wider and winks at him, Eddie knows he’s been heard. 

“Nope. I’m good.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Forgive any tense inconsistencies hehehe (pronouns, endings and tenses suck)
> 
> Kudos and Comments make my day, so thank you to everyone who leaves them! I love hearing what you guys think, and anyone who takes time out of their day to comment has my heart and soul <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [zeethebooknerd](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd) or on Twitter at [tkreyesevandiaz](https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz).


End file.
